GI JOE is an elite multi national anti-crime/terrorist organization headed by the stout General Hawk. They are called into battle when the latest in cutting edge warfare, the nano-tech based missiles, is attacked en-route to its first delivery by forces that seem to have even more advanced weaponry. Two of the accompanying guards, Duke and Ripcord, manages to fend off the attackers and Duke also recognizes one of the attackers to be his ex fiancé now going under the guise of The Baroness. Because of their outstanding performance the 2 men are recruited into the outfit where they will serve with the existing members Scarlett, Heavy Duty and Snake Eyes. It soon becomes clear that the weapons manufacturer, James McCullen is behind an attempt to steal the missiles to both create an international crisis as well as settle a century long family blood feud.

When I first heard they were doing a GI Joe movie I snickered but held out hope they could make it relevant and when I heard they had gotten Sommers involved, expectations immediately nose dived. This was after all the man who gave us Van Helsing, a film which could have been so cool but ended up being so utterly bad that I though there would be no return for him. Sommers biggest crime is always his inherent need to cram as much elements into a film as humanly possible and his total lack of follow through on any of them as can be seen if you compared the first Mummy and its sequel. Without a strong and frugal producer’s hand behind him his films tend to be just a skipping through of one idea after another. Also reality and often even gravity is not adhered to when he writes his scripts with his protagonists often escaping peril through impossible maneuvers.
In his latest he is again guilty of the all of the above but he has managed to craft a stupid but fun, with the former edging out the later slightly, action film that while not memorable is still entertaining enough to edge out some of this summer’s more anticipated action fare. Its fun but in a very retarded sort of manner and its most enjoyable when no one’s talking or whenever Siena Miller’s breast makes an appearance, I kid you not when it say they truly steal every scene in the movie and they look much better when compared to Megan Fox’s slow motion running in Transformers 2. It was also good to see Joseph Gordon Levitt making the best out of a crap role by truly hamming it up. The action sequences are well staged with the

Now for the Bad and where else to begin but from the acting department, so step right up 90% of the actors involved. Watching Channing Tatum brings to mind the other great thespian, CasperVan Diem, an actor who could convey all his emotions through a simple furrow of his brow, which is fortunate considering that’s the only action he knows how to do properly. I understand that this is an ensemble cast but couldn’t they have found a more engaging lead actor because there isn’t an aorta of charm and charisma in him which could have make such a huge difference to the film. A brief cameo by Brendan Fraser was much better the his performance for the rest of the film which boggles the mind as to why Brendan wasn’t offered the role in the first place. Dennis Quaid phoned this one in and cashed another pay check, the always mute Ray Parks is adequate as the mute Snake Eyes, Rachel Nichols brings some charm to the good girls but not much, Marlan Wayans is his usual unbearable self and Jonathan Pryce is criminally underused. The script is just full of lazy plot holes and convenient resolutions, oh! Deadly nano tech missiles are headed for


























